The Squirrel Menace

As of 18:00 on February 26th, 2010, I have ceased all diplomatic relations with the squirrel peoples.  I come before you now to announce the declaration of war on behalf of the beavers against the nation of the squirrels.  The squirrels have heartlessly attacked and abused the rest of the animal kingdom, unjustifiably wrecking havoc on those that want nothing more than peace.  Repeatedly, we have tried a passive approach, hoping that the common sense would awaken in these creatures.  We see now that this approach was faulty and ill-advised.  These squirrels have no common sense; they seek nothing more than to disrupt our much-desired peace, institute anarchy, and terrorize the common animal.

Let us recall that last year, it was these same squirrels that made an unwarranted ruthless attack.  As I walked under a tree, ignorantly but blissfully enjoying the passing of the rain, an agent of the squirrels made its move.  Cowardly hiding in a tree, out of harm's way, it ambushed me - dropping a fear-invoking shower of water droplets that soaked my clothing.  This was not the first time these squirrels have attacked - the animal kingdom has endured years and years of abuse from these creatures and we have done nothing to stop them.

Earlier this week, the line was crossed.  Previously, the squirrels, at the very least, had respected our territorial integrity - confining their terrorism to the outside world - but this is no longer the case.  An agent squirrel was spotted deep inside my apartment complex, presumably preparing for yet another act of terrorism.

This is the final straw.  The oppression must end here.  We, the animal kingdom, cannot allow a minority extremist group with no sense of morality to terrorize the world.  With approval from the whale kingdom, I would like to ask for the support that the rest of the animal kingdom.  The choice presented is clear: will you join us and rid the world of terror, or will you continue to live oppressed and abused by a bully species?