Yeah, so I got really, really bored (I was probably a little high/sleepy at the time too) and I decided to draw a picture about my life on Paint... This is basically it. Interpret it however you want. Do all paths lead to a happy future? Or just one? Or maybe none? I don't know.
Lately, I've been feeling really overwhelmed with questions and more questions and general confusion. It seems like every time I try to find an answer in life, I get thrown about a hundred more questions. What the hell do I want to major in? What's my purpose in life? Is this it - the peak of my life? Am I supposed to do something great? Should I be patient or more proactive? Will there be a calling for me in life or am I destined to live a normal life? What is love anyway? What about those great things you were supposed to accomplish or those dreams you had? Do you even have any dreams? Wait, do I need to pee right now? Questions, questions, and more questions. I have no idea what I want to do in life - I don't even know what I'm passionate about (except maybe sports, but what can I do about that?).
Maybe I should've been an EECS major or a math major.. oh well, a little too late for that. But there's one big question that still lingers in my head... what is my purpose in life? I can't turn to religion - my brain refuses to believe in it and even if I showed up to church every Sunday, I'd just be lying to myself.. I can't live a lie. Am I supposed to help others or make a difference in the world? Should I devote my life to a charity? I want to do something in life - something important, something that'll make an impact on someone somewhere - but, what? Will this even give me the satisfying, happy future I want? It seems like I'm always wanting more. I have an urge in me to prove my worth and I don't know if I'll ever satisfy that urge. There's a desire and a sort of a fire in me that's pushing me on, asking for more, living off the thrill of being swamped with mountains of homework and the stress of midterms. But, is this desire misguided? Am I not living my life to my fullest? I can't help but think that this can't be all there is to life - masochistically forcing yourself to do schoolwork for the hell of it.
I don't know... this is why I don't like thinking. Thinking is bad. Thinking gets you killed. Trust your instincts, damn it. Well, I still have time to figure things out, but I can't help but notice the ticking of the clock.. tick, tock, tick tock....
I'm afraid I'm going to have to take off a point for too many messy arrows.
ReplyDeleteLOL thanks brandon
ReplyDeleteSorry Ben, but I think you're thinking way too much. Knowing you, you'll do well no matter wherever you go and with whatever you do.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but will I like what I'm doing? lol
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I need to stop thinking.. lol.. but sometimes my brain won't shut up... it's always a three-way war between my heart, my guts, and my brain, while my conscience is just sitting by facepalming...
this is almost related to my feelings about Lowell and the AP system and my argument about the summer school thing on the other blog. we're so focused about the grades that we're speeding through the system. but half of us don't even know what we want to do, or even if our first idea of a major was the right fit for us. there are so many paths to consider. using myself as an example: my declared major is Technical Theatre, debating whether or not to add CS as a major or minor, whether or not to join a frat/club, and i have no idea what else to do. when you don't know what to do, you almost shut down, and then your thoughts turn...dark. anyway, the one interesting thing i read was that UC=research, CSU=teaching, and CCC=vocational. what do we do?
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